We originally believed Attrapark the Second was called Luna Park, but upon arrival we quickly learned otherwise. This particular funfair is one of two located within Izmaylovski Park, an absolutely massive municipal park located northeast of the city center. It was much quieter than Sokolniki had been, which, combined with the late afternoon sunlight slanting through an abundance of trees, made for a pleasant few hours (well, it did when I could ignore the gradually increasing throbbing in my heels from walking all day!).
Attrapark is located a short distance from the Izmaylovski Park entrance closest to the Partizanskaya metro station and contains a sizable assortment of attractions given its size. Its target demographic was a bit wider than our previous stop and indeed, wider than most of the Moscow parks we’d visit, offering some larger thrills in addition to children’s rides.
Welcome to Izmaylovski Park…
…which, again, is huge. Huge enough, in fact, to hide a dirty bomb. At least that’s what some Chechen terrorists thought in 1995.
Has it seriously been 18 years since 1995? Shit. That makes me feel old.
Not as old as this probably is, though. Some of Moscow’s public transportation vehicles did look positively ancient, although this one isn’t too bad.
Cross the trolleybus lines and we have arrived at Attrapark…
…where this genteel fellow greeted us. What’s that sign say? Can’t read this alphabet, but apparently you want me to see something off to the left, so—
OH DEAR GOD.
So this is how it ends.
This is how it ends. This. Right here.
BTW, that sign translated to “Castle of Fear.” Let’s have a look at these trains. OTSR and lap bar? Yep, that’s an accurate sign, all right.
Look, none of us were enthusiastic about this. It looked like a classic Pinfari death trap from a distance but it quickly became apparent that its dimensions didn’t fit that bill. We still don’t know who manufactured this.
Sorry, I shouldn’t use “manufacture” in the past tense. Following the ride before ours, we watched the ride op climb the lift, hammer in hand. He climbed close to the top and disappeared out of sight from where we stood in the queue. The sound of metal hitting metal soon resounded. I so very much wish I had a photo of this, but by this point my camera was safely stowed in the free lockers provided adjacent to the queue.
He descended a few moments later, put his hammer down, and calmly approached the turnstile to take our tickets.
I don’t think I need to tell you what we were all thinking by this point.
“Run away!” hollered the bull, his eyes wide with horror.
“Choose thy fate wisely, like us!” chorused the hanging pandas.
I climbed in, expecting the worst. I remember being mildly concerned that my arms weren’t long enough to reach the grab bar at the front of the car because it meant that bracing might be difficult. We ascended the (recently reconstructed) lift, the suspense of the ensuing slow turn to the drop eliciting a stream of expletives from our group. We dropped, I braced, and my face preemptively winced as we clattered toward the loop.
And it was fine.
It was like one of those moments in a movie where a character is expecting to get punched in the face and foreboding music plays to a lengthy shot of their anxious expression before the camera zooms out to reveal the danger is gone.
This turned out to be a rather agreeable Dragon, its multilayered helices allowing the train to unexpectedly pick up a substantial speed by ground level. It was—dare I say it—an enjoyable ride.
Gee, you don’t…you don’t think that this may have been the castle of fear, do you? :)
We decided to give this a try and I’m glad we did. There was a lot of action in there—a good variety of effects and plenty of them, although I think the scariest part was trying to get the point across to a rather gruff ticket lady that I wanted to ride.
Like I mentioned earlier, Attrapark was unusual in that it catered to a slightly older clientele than most Moscow public park funfairs with a selection of larger rides, such as this Calypso…
…and this Trabant.
Even so, there was no shortage of kiddie rides.
After the miracle of escaping the coaster unscathed wore off, we began the army march toward Izmaylovski’s second funfair.